Tinfoil hats

Tinfoil hat conspiracy theorist jackasses. Ok guys, just what the hell is your problem? You think the thought police are everywhere to make sure you aren’t thinking things you shouldn’t? What I want to know is – who the fuck cares about your stupidass bedtime stories?! Seriously.

So let me ask. Did the government install any cameras in your home for any reason other than doing something to make the FBI take notice and get permission from a judge to bug your house? Do you have to go to Two Minutes Hate sessions? Am I communicating to you in Newspeak? Is the entire media funneled into one outlet that’s run by the state?

No, no, no, and no. And you know why? Because the government is not trying to control you. The government is not watching you because you are an insignificant, unimportant, self-centered jackass who doesn’t pose a threat to anyone or anything. They have more important shit to do right now, like keep these idiots like Osama Bin Laden and his gang of dirty nightshirt-wearing motherfuckers – who, unlike you, have actually shown themselves to be a danger to this country – from taking down buildings on American soil just because we aren’t all Muslims.

And while I’m thinking about it, stop bitching about cameras being installed on stoplights. We call the outside world “public” for a reason – because it’s not private, and you are not entitled to privacy there. Having that camera sitting there is no different from having a police officer sitting on the other side of the intersection watching for speeders, drunks, and idiots who run red lights. Except now you get your ticket in a week instead of on the spot, and the cops are free to respond to things that are actually important – unlike you. Get over yourself and you’ll sleep a lot better at night.

What’s funny is that by holding this position I’m labeled by these morons as a citizen who was ‘re-educated’ by the government, or at the very least blinded by all the government’s lies and cover-ups. Guess what – it’s as American to dress up in a Storm Trooper uniform at a Star Wars premiere as it is to laugh at dorks who do that. So while you’re watching over your shoulders for Big Brother, I’m taking a ride in the ROFL Copter. Good luck with your resistance against the machine, asshats.

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